When No One is Looking

One of the most difficult aspects of this addiction is the isolation that it requires.  In my own life, in order to keep these activities a secret I have had to sneak, lie, and cover up my tracks.  I have had to develop these skills and use them against those people I love.  I have justified this in the past, telling myself that doing so was better than hurting them or causing an issue; but deep inside of me I've always known that I was actually also lying to myself.  I have kept it a secret because of the humiliation, the guilt, and the fear I have of what might happen if someone really did find out.  

There have been times in my life that I have gathered up enough courage to come clean.  These were comparably great days.  The weight of the secret felt as though it had been lifted and the opportunity of freedom from this curse never seemed more available.  But even then, after time passed and my newly revived motivation to overcome my addiction to pornography started to lose the excitement and focus I faltered, and felt the need to begin the horrible cycle of secrecy again.  Those who once new of my addiction, probably now think it is all in the past, when in reality it remains my daily struggle.

YOUR CHARACTER IS DETERMINED BY WHO YOU ARE WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING

That is the thought I am focusing on today...  My behavior, personality, and character cannot be determined by who I am with/ around and who I am not.