My name is John, and I am a recovering porn addict...
I am in my early 20's, married for only a couple of years, and have a child on the way. I live in Utah and am a convert to the LDS Church.
I was 9 years old when I first encountered pornography. My friend brought a playboy magazine to church (I was Episcopalian at that point) camp. Not long after, exploring my dads pc I found that temp folder that stores loaded images viewed online; and the folder was packed with hundreds and hundreds of images. What was curiosity became an acquired taste and the subsequent addiction.
Not much has changed from those early days. If anything, technology has only made it easier to satisfy my increasing appetite. The content continues to become more accessible, the availability more plentiful, and the ability to keep it all secret seems to be so much more convenient. Like a rabbit following a carrot I fell for it every step of the way, deeper and deeper into obsession.
I have tried to quit many times before, and actually made it quite a while a couple of the times, but always seem to find my way back. For the most part, except for a couple very dramatic moments, this has been a completely personal endeavor. I have confessed to my wife, my ecclesiastical leader, I have attended recovery meetings, and I pray endlessly, but it all seems in vain. Everything I believe in and hold dear in my life is in complete contradiction with the secret that I can't let go, it constantly nags and urges at my soul and I have lost the strength to resist.
I have hit rock bottom. But today is day one. I pledge to be honest and I welcome your input.
Thanks for reading this. Whether you are working through this process as well or not, your comments and feelings are welcome here.
I am in my early 20's, married for only a couple of years, and have a child on the way. I live in Utah and am a convert to the LDS Church.
I was 9 years old when I first encountered pornography. My friend brought a playboy magazine to church (I was Episcopalian at that point) camp. Not long after, exploring my dads pc I found that temp folder that stores loaded images viewed online; and the folder was packed with hundreds and hundreds of images. What was curiosity became an acquired taste and the subsequent addiction.
Not much has changed from those early days. If anything, technology has only made it easier to satisfy my increasing appetite. The content continues to become more accessible, the availability more plentiful, and the ability to keep it all secret seems to be so much more convenient. Like a rabbit following a carrot I fell for it every step of the way, deeper and deeper into obsession.
I have tried to quit many times before, and actually made it quite a while a couple of the times, but always seem to find my way back. For the most part, except for a couple very dramatic moments, this has been a completely personal endeavor. I have confessed to my wife, my ecclesiastical leader, I have attended recovery meetings, and I pray endlessly, but it all seems in vain. Everything I believe in and hold dear in my life is in complete contradiction with the secret that I can't let go, it constantly nags and urges at my soul and I have lost the strength to resist.
I have hit rock bottom. But today is day one. I pledge to be honest and I welcome your input.
Thanks for reading this. Whether you are working through this process as well or not, your comments and feelings are welcome here.
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